"First Kiss"
By Brittany Pasteka
© April 15, 2002
Theme - Love

I stare at your tender lips...
They aren't simply a blushing red
but rather a forceful crimson,
like that of blood....
the blood which is pulsing deeply within my veins
as my heart staggers,
then races forth...making my head spin endlessly.
You lean down-
I lean up...
lips meeting like the sun greeting the world at dawn.
As I pull away,
You whisper low in my ear.
"That's not good enough."
I lean upwards again,
my head wandering farther in the clouds
as I feel your wet lips against mine once again
Your moist tounge is the key to open
the doors of my locked soul...
the only drug to soothe my nerves.
I'm scared...
heart still pounding....
and you can tell that this is just a simple infatuation,
the love of a giddy school girl-
but now that you have torn down the tall,dreary walls surrounding my
broken heart and weary soul,
I think I can call it love.
No,
not just yet.

(I'm not much of a critic, but...)

Wow.

(See, told you I wasn't much of a critic.)

But that was my God's honest opinion.

FIVE MINUTES LATER:
I'm, erm, going to attempt to be critical........"wow" isn't words enough for this poem

"I'm scared...
heart still pounding....
and you can tell that this is just a simple infatuation,
the love of a giddy school girl-
but now that you have torn down the tall,dreary walls surrounding my
broken heart and weary soul,
I think I can call it love.
No,
not just yet. "

Those were really good lines.......................The ending 3 lines reinforce what you were originally going to say really well. Yeah and your comparison to the sun was really really good too.  I love the sun as a metaphor, I use it a lot in my own stuff.  Ummm....this was a very good description of a first kiss. :)

Lol. Iamnichole, you're a nut. Lol. I'm glad you posted this sweetie. I knew it had potential. You are getting better with your writing. Could it be perhaps that this site is doing you some good?? Lol. Bravo sweetie, bravo.

Unfortunately, I cannot comment on this. I would seem biased. Lol.

Nice imagery and description of the moment.Feels almost as though I am there witnessing it. ;) that would be intresting though.I especially like the part of
It is quite intresting seeing as not many people use things like that anymore...least not that I have read.Very nice and intresting, keep up the great work.Hey, maybe one day you'll catch up to savy in post then I can sit back and enjoy having the lowest number.

hmm..what to say, what to say....
i really enjoyed this one.. it brought back a few memories of different first kisses... the very first one, the first one that truly meant something... all memories that are happy, but tinged with sadness/regret.
i must say its a very moving poem, yet i think the lines that i liekd the most were the last three.
keep up the good work!!!

as you get older...keep this poem handy to remind yourself just how special love and that "first kiss" is...i truly hope you never forget that feeling...and your writing is inproving...remarkably so...beautiful poem...i enjoyed it very much:))~

[Soul_Searcher you would want to be those lips wouldn't you?]  I like it the kiss it's dedfiantly good.  I don't have a lot to say about it but its good.

Sure, by the time slow me gets around to reading this, everybody else has said everything I want to say.  ;)  But I did like this poem a lot. It gave beautiful imagery of everything happening. And did also kind of remind me of that first kiss scenario with someone. I think we've all gone through the infatuation stage too, so we can relate to it all. Well anyway, again I like this a lot, and can't wait to read some more of your stuff.

Hey Dakeru, I think that you need to stop with the arguing with SS because it's getting old and you are acting like a two-year-old!!! Oh, and one more thing the only reason that you have 135 posts is because you argue with SS all the time!!!

I appreciate all the things that yall have said about my poem and I'm glad that it reminded some of you what that first kiss was like!

Hey Dak, Whether I want the lips or not is none of your buisness. And Star you've said what alot of people have been wanting to say for a long time. TY

*applauds star*
eh, yall know i have to put my two cents worth in.....
star's right, dak, you do need to grow up. never mind the fact that one day i think SS is gonna kick your ass if a bunch of us don't beat him to it.
hmm... I WANT THE LIPS!!!!!!!
i mean.... umm... *whistles innocently*

Ok ok children. Must intervene now. You guys have to behave in the forums. *shakes her head* Don't make me spank you all. I did think the "lips" comment was a little uncalled for, Josh, but two wrong don't make a right. (Damn, I sound like my mom...eww) Anyway, you guys behave. Must be a peaceful sight for all.

And Jared, it's not my fault I have so many posts. I'm just active with this site. Tis my new home. *grins* You jes slow! ;)

Hey savy, if two wrongs don't make aright then why do two negatives make a positive?

i could throw in a really bad ethnic joke right now..... but i'd prolly wind up offending anyone of the oriental persuasion.
damn.
jared, i think i can speak for savy when i say: god, you are such a smartass!!!! :p

Actually, you can ask John...that is exactly what I said. Lol.

Btw, Jared, if you would like to get all technical on me, then I shall be oh so glad to return such a glorious favor. Smartasses united. You went from talking about something philosophical to something altogether scientific. And technically, two negatives do NOT make a positive; they instead create a positive charge. So get it right. Besides, the rules of philosophy and the rules of science may entwine, but they do not overlap completely. It matters not. I was merely pulling rank. Basically, all of you behave or beware my WRATH. Lol. I'm serious though. BEHAVE!

before i say anything... *tapes jared's mouth shut and sits on him*
mathematically speaking, two negatives do make a positive... gah, yeah, i had to be a smartass, savy. please forgive me!!! and i knew you'd call him a smartass, b/c, well... i know how your little savy-mind works.
ooh.. the wrath of savy..oh so scary.....
hmm.. behave how?  :D

I fear the rath of no one except god. So as much as I would miss all you guys and all of the great poetry I would just stop posting and give up drytear. I can do it and if it comes to it I will do it.

SS,why would you go and do a say a silly thing like that?? Besides I thought janis had your mouth taped shut and she was sitting on you! So how are you talking?? lol

*sigh*
jared, quit being so damn serious. you will not quit posting, or else..i'll..umm... hmm.... gah, can't think of any threats. oh well.
heh..brit, me sitting on jared isn't exactly something that could stop him from doing anything he wants.

I can and just might. And I'm stronger than janis so it's not a problem. *Flips over and puts janis on her stomach with me sitting on top of her* I'll be serious if I please.

yeah, i'm like five times your size and you're stronger than me..thats pretty sad.
A) me being on my tummy would smush the boobies
B) you know i don't object to you being on top of me... i mean...umm.... i'm gonna hush now....
:dink:

Well, to reply to the poem, I think this is the best I have seen from you star.  You have some very nice images throughout and I think you have done a great job with describing a first kiss.  Good one.

pretty

John, I really appreciate the compliment! I'm also really glad the you finally got back to reading the things that I wrote (I was beginning to get worried)LOL. Thanks for all the compliments from yall! (I'm so damn southern I wish that I could control it! LOL)

*muffled, still being under jared*
there ain't nuthin wrowng with bein' jest a lil southern... aight?

ok I have not been on in a while and just read all of the comments so I guess pissed everyone off.  Well maybe not everyone but it was uncalled for.  so I appologize.  (That maybe the only mature thing I've done)  and ?????  When did I argue with Jared a lot?  Just a question star.

I agree with darkangeltears because there ain't nuthin' wrong wit bein' a lil' southern!!

Oh, dakeru I was pissed off that day and I didn't mean to say that I apologize for saying it. I took my anger out on you and that was uncalled for. I'm sorry, will you forgive me?

AWWW!!!!!
i feel a loverly group hug coming on......
or not. maybe the whole "jerry springer" moment is over with now, we can hope anyway.
altho, knowing us, it'll soon be about women who love women who love men who love men... whoo.....

um. yeah I forgive you.  Not to be off topic or anything but well I was imature.  You shouldn't really appologize anyway.  I was the jerk.  and one question.  who is darkangeltears

DAT is Janis. You were all a little out of line on this one. That was why I stepped in. And Josh, you do jump on Jared and argue with him a bit. I don't mind a sensible debate, but there will be no mini-wars going on while I am apart of this site. It's uncalled for and childish. Just don't intentionally try to start anything here, and there will be no probs.

It's ok though. Twas just a little riff...nothing more. It's over and done with. :) Keep on posting.

lol... yeah, DAT is me... the janis...
tall dark and scary in an oddly sexy way...
savy's woman, jared's whatever, and brit's JANIS
;)  :p  :D

AWWWWW! *runs over and tackles janis gives her a big hug and kiss,giggles then saunters away* Janis,that was so sweet of you to say that about me! (I love you!) Well Josh I appreciate you being so honest and truthful but I'm not the only one that you should be apologizing to,hint,hint!

ACK!!! whoo... i feel all loved and whatnot....
*grins at brittany and watches her saunter* oooh.... brittany ass..... aww, brit you know i love you!
i mean.... hmm... ok, i have to do this. you can all kick my ass later, i don't care. or rather, jared can kick my ass, josh can try, and well, brit, i think this will amuse you.
*grabs josh's mouth and makes him say : "jared, i am so sorry for being an immature ass".... then grabs jared's mouth and makes him say: "thats ok, josh, i was an immature ass too.".... then makes them kiss each other*
BAH HA HA!!!!!!!!
*runs and hides in fear for her little girly life*

AWWW...Janis I would do everything possible to keep both of them from hurting you...LOL!!! Well as for what you said about josh and jared I think that that would be really funny to see it actually happen!!  *runs and hides in the corner with janis* (uh,oh...brittany and janis in a corner alone....)

Janis that was so sweet & cute! Well you aren't gonna be here for much longer because you are going off to college (you'll be a freshman again) *Freshmeat hahaha* I still love you though!

Oh hell no! I see how it is! I leave for a while and all of a sudden you are all cheating on me! That's it. I've had it. We is be thru. No mo' us! And don't argue with me. You two can have each other. Nope. Not hearing any arguments.

And I'm the only one who can saunter! Buttheads...

*sigh*
man...why can't we all just get along?
savy, you know i love you..but i love brittany too. see, savy, i'm your woman, and brittany's janis... big differences, just don't ask me to explain them.
:dink:

I agree with janis we need to all just get along and love each other. Hey savy you get to live with her so I won't get to see her as often as you will so don't complain. I LOVE YOU BOTH!!

well Britt i also liked this one it was good.....and like Jared said a long time ago..i really felt like i was there :( o'well

I was kidding. Lighten up peeps. Still my woman...

Oh yeh, I DO get to live with her, don't I? *wicked laughter* Mine...all mine! *grins*

I have no idea what you are talking about, but it was funny

lol... heh... yeah, i agree with jared too.. i can see it... i, or one, would like to... nevermind......
eh.. yeah, i get to live with savy soon... but why do i have the feeling random peopel are gonna live in my closet... i mean... some have already said they're gonna do that.... can't imagine who, tho, can you guys? lol... backstory: me and savy are going to room together at college.

Janis,you are so funny!

good one janis....