As the moonlight lit his amber eyes,
The torches glinted off his onyx scales.
Some men held gifts,
Others held daggers.

The torches glinted off his onyx scales,
We were armed with swords,
Others held daggers.
Were we there to destroy him?

We were armed with swords.
Were we there to worship him?
Were we there to destory him?
I wasn't sure.

Were we there to worship him?
The ones with gifts were.
I wasn't sure.
They were whispering prayers into the wind.

The ones with gifts were,
They stood around him, their hands raised.
They were whispering prayers into the wind,
As the moonlight lit his amber eyes.

You had a great idea here...but the poem itself was rather confusing, if you ask me. It was repetitive for seemingly no reason. I liked the first stanza though. Beautifully written and I saw exactly what you wanted me to. Maybe try working on this one a bit. I don't know...it just seems looped.

I greatly encourage all experimental styles, and I think this style has potential, however, the lines are not powerful enough to carry the meaning of insecurity the men had with the dragon.  The lines seem to stick out too much, and the reader begins to plot out which line will be repeated next.  However, I think that it is a great idea, and the description you used was great, but as everything on here, it needs some work.

i too like what you did here...i tried something simular once but couldn't pull it off at all...keeep writing...you're doing fine...i think you've got the imagination and are learning the skills to take you somewhere...nice work:))~

only lacking meter to become a villanelle. I still enjoyed it

SevenSins,
You did an excellent job througohout. And btw, to poetpiers, the reason it isn't "only lacking meter, to become a villanelle" is because it actually a pantoum, which can have meter or not, one of the few forms the writer has an a choice aboiut that. The other main difference also between the two forms as while the villanelle alternates 1st and last lines of a stanza while the pantoum the 2nd line of each stanza becomes the first line of the next and the last line becomes the 3rd line of the same stanza. A hard form to write well in, SevenSins, you are to be congratulated.
~Davidf

Yeah, this is a cool little iteration of a classic form. I'm still with Nefarious Tool about it needing more weight to the repeated lines to really fill it out, but I think I'm going to go write one of these now!