Written on 30/07/02

If I walked away,
What would you say?
If I ran across the world,
Would you ever hesitate?

I felt your love,
You felt my passion,
We touched and kissed so deep,
We've been there so many times,
Don't take that away.

If I disappeared,
Would you ever pray?
If I took my life,
Would you ever cry?

You know that I want you,
We both knew we'd be together,
I want you here forever,
But you don't know it's real,
Every time I say how I feel.

But you know I love you so true.

i like it, but i think there needs to me more feeling in ur words.. or im jsut not reading it right :)

s'good none the less :) keep it going :)

Oh, I love it, love it, love it!! The only come blaint i have is the last part of it....I think you should add a bit more instand of leaving it to "But you know I love you so true. " But it's wonderfull in every way!!!!!!!! :tigger:

I'm with Hev on this....you need a bit more feeling. It's kinda like...I dunno...your teachers told you to write a poem about such and such a subject, and you've just whacked one out, without thinking about it....I can imagine what you say, I can read what you say...but I just can't feel it...if that makes sense.

Yeah, this is more like a quick piece of prose, the feeling is in it for me, but I didn't express it to the full extent for others to understand. This is a lower performance I think, and more of a build up to the poem I wrote today.

Hey an excellent poem, but I would have to agree with phoenixfire it needs a bit more feeling in it, but overall a great job. :bounceonfire:

beautiful work adam.

Mmprth.. Yeah, it could use a lil' work but it's still good nonetheless and carries a strong meaning. Are all of your poems sad, adam? Just curious.. <_<
I love the placement of the questions, too. Just emphazied the poem even more. **nodnods**

If I walked away,
What would you say?
If I ran across the world,
Would you ever hesitate?



The first stanza introduced this poem perfectly. The words are light, but I like that about them. The poem can be read without a it being heavily shrouded.

I like your work Boss Man.

Heh thanks, wow you dug this one up from long ago!

This is for the first time I am reading something by Adam.

And its great!!;)

:)

I agree with the first post. seemed like the stanzas were forced somehow??? Although Sara is right, that first stanza is the snizzle!