The World Outside
By: Jody M. Olson
Copywrite 2002
Theme: Peaceful
Rain walks across the sidewalk
While thunder plays the blues
The ocean sings its rhythmic vibes
The sky paints its rainbow hues
While sitting upon my windowsill
I take a glimpse at the world outside
The way the simple silhouettes of life
Tend to help my hardships subside
But there tend to be those solemn nights
When life just doesnt seem enough
Where my thoughts run wild like typhoons
The simplest of things seem so tough
My heart is like tiny shards of glass
Slammed against the cold concrete
I cant bear to take another lonely step
Down this dreadfully painful street
There is a rhyme and reason for everything
But this life doesnt seem to have one
Just before I thought I saw the end
I saw in the distance that its only begun
Rain walks across the sidewalk
While thunder plays the blues
The ocean sings its rhythmic vibes
The sky paints its rainbow hues
While sitting upon my windowsill
I take a glimpse at the world outside
The way the simple silhouettes of life
Tend to help my hardships subside
The soft playing symphony of a cricket
Or the lullaby sung from butterflys wings
Are the things that set my mind at ease
And reminds me of what tomorrow brings
Peace and Love
Jo
Full Version: The world outside
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i love this one its really really good.
that has got to be the best stanza in this opeace because it descibes how you dont want to go on and that it hurts. i love how you have written this peace.
Keep writing
Love Yas
Mistis
QUOTE
My heart is like tiny shards of glass
Slammed against the cold concrete
I cant bear to take another lonely step
Down this dreadfully painful street
Slammed against the cold concrete
I cant bear to take another lonely step
Down this dreadfully painful street
that has got to be the best stanza in this opeace because it descibes how you dont want to go on and that it hurts. i love how you have written this peace.
Keep writing
Love Yas
Mistis
I like this one very much Jo. I think you have a real nack for writing. Good job, and keep it up.
Thanks you two for posting...and taking the time to read my poetry, it means alot, much appreciated!!
Loves and Hugs
Jo
Loves and Hugs
Jo
Oh, this is good!!! Wonderful rhythm with rhyme as the feelings come forth and the story unfolds. This is beautiful:
"While sitting upon my windowsill
I take a glimpse at the world outside
The way the simple silhouettes of life
Tend to help my hardships subside"
Really liked this one.
Bubba B.
"While sitting upon my windowsill
I take a glimpse at the world outside
The way the simple silhouettes of life
Tend to help my hardships subside"
Really liked this one.
Bubba B.
Thank you for you're kind words Bubba!! I'm glad you liked it...
Peace
Jo
Peace
Jo
I liked this piece a lot, but I thought there were a few interruptions in the rhyming flow that could have been salvaged. Here. Try this instead. It's the same poem, only revised a bit.
Other than a few minor alterations, I liked this piece a lot. My comments were in parentheses. The rest of the subtle changes I made and made no comment about it. There were also minor spelling or punctuation errors that I fixed in my "copy". I would suggest changing those few things, but it's only my opinion.
Other than that, I think this is a damn good piece and I'm submitting it for the book. Good job.
QUOTE
Rain walks across the sidewalk
While thunder plays the blues
The ocean sings its rhythmic vibes
The sky paints its rainbow hues
While sitting upon my windowsill
I take a glimpse at the world outside
The way the simple silhouettes of life
Tend to help my hardships subside
But there tends to be those solemn nights
When life just doesnt seem enough
Where my thoughts run wild like typhoons
The simplest of things seem so tough (damn isn't really needed here)
My heart is like tiny shards of glass
Slammed against the cold concrete
I cant bear to take another lonely step
Down this dreadfully painful street
There is a rhyme and reason for everything
But this life doesn't seem to have one
Just before I thought I saw the end
I saw in the distance that it's only begun
Rain walks across the sidewalk
While thunder plays the blues
The ocean sings its rhythmic vibes
The sky paints its rainbow hues
While sitting upon my windowsill
I take a glimpse at the world outside
The way the simple silhouettes of life
Tend to help my hardships subside
(is there any particular reason the TWO stanza's were repeated instead of just one? I say keep the first one in and take the second one out...the one about sitting on your windowsill)
The soft playing symphony of a cricket
Or the lullaby sung from butterfly wings
Are the things that set my mind at ease
And remind me of what tomorrow brings
While thunder plays the blues
The ocean sings its rhythmic vibes
The sky paints its rainbow hues
While sitting upon my windowsill
I take a glimpse at the world outside
The way the simple silhouettes of life
Tend to help my hardships subside
But there tends to be those solemn nights
When life just doesnt seem enough
Where my thoughts run wild like typhoons
The simplest of things seem so tough (damn isn't really needed here)
My heart is like tiny shards of glass
Slammed against the cold concrete
I cant bear to take another lonely step
Down this dreadfully painful street
There is a rhyme and reason for everything
But this life doesn't seem to have one
Just before I thought I saw the end
I saw in the distance that it's only begun
Rain walks across the sidewalk
While thunder plays the blues
The ocean sings its rhythmic vibes
The sky paints its rainbow hues
While sitting upon my windowsill
I take a glimpse at the world outside
The way the simple silhouettes of life
Tend to help my hardships subside
(is there any particular reason the TWO stanza's were repeated instead of just one? I say keep the first one in and take the second one out...the one about sitting on your windowsill)
The soft playing symphony of a cricket
Or the lullaby sung from butterfly wings
Are the things that set my mind at ease
And remind me of what tomorrow brings
Other than a few minor alterations, I liked this piece a lot. My comments were in parentheses. The rest of the subtle changes I made and made no comment about it. There were also minor spelling or punctuation errors that I fixed in my "copy". I would suggest changing those few things, but it's only my opinion.
Other than that, I think this is a damn good piece and I'm submitting it for the book. Good job.
I really liked this poem too... really wouldn't change anything even if I'd written it myself. I especially love how you repeated some stanzas from the beginning later on because I do that a lot too. :D
You guys are all so sweet, thanks for the posts and everything
And Savy, thanks for the opportunity of letting one of my poems be in the book
Peace
Jo
And Savy, thanks for the opportunity of letting one of my poems be in the book
Peace
Jo
Not a prob hun. It was my pleasure. This was an extremely good piece.
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