Here's something I am working on and I would like some feed back on it. This is just a draft. The storyline is of co-dependency. It goes something like this. A young girl of divorced parents (age 10) is forced to take on responsibilities of raising her younger brother and sister. Being she is the oldest in the family as it is presented to her, she has a duty to look after her brother and sister. Her mother was still a part of her life, but in body only. Did this forced role prepare the young child for what life had in store for her or did it change her whole path of life?

As she becomes a young women, did the responsibilities that were forced on her at a young age and through her teens, cause her to make bad choices in her relationships? Were the choices all that bad? Did her brief introduction to religion as a child help her or hinder in her life choices as an adult? Was society dragging her through the double standards of "Do as I say, not as I do?"

Also, I know that this has to be in another format. I had asked a moderator about it in a format that I was using on G-mail, but since then I decided to CCP what I had. I'm just not all that PC savy with software.

Feedback appreciated.




I've heard it all, tried it all, agonized through it all, and been a victim through it all. The one thing that kept hitting me where it really hurt was that as much as I appreciated all the advise, I couldn't step away from what I knew deep down inside was the right thing to do. If it was my decision then why were people and society still thinking that I didn't get it? That if I didn't take their advise and put it to good use then I was a lost cause? Why did people think that I must like the way my life had turned out? I wasn't about to try and even justify to them why I had made this decision. If they were taking offense to the fact that I wasn't doing it their way then why should I waste my time explaining it to them? There would be no concession with my decision. So I lived with it. I was at peace with myself as much as I could be. It was, after all, my decision.

Sometimes I do think that I must be nuts. I must be my own personal sadist. In todays world it is referred to as being co-dependent, but where do you draw the line when you have been taught to be understanding and forgiving? I was raised to believe that there are always people that are less fortunate then you and you must be considerate of them. You must try to help them. There have been many relationships in this world that have been crazier than mine? Look at Liz and Richard Burton? Why was it more acceptable for those two to live the crazy lifestyle of alcoholism, drugs and violence than it is for me?

Life for me hasn't been easy, but then again how do we know what easy is for us? Is it whispered in our ears before we are born? No. The answer to that is the fairy tales that we are read. The basic knight in shinning armor riding in and saving us from the evil dragon. As we get smarter we or at least I, find out that we can save ourselves and we do that by making the decision that is best for us. You can ask what the best way is to fight that dragon, but in doing so you have to be careful that you are not creating another dragon. People like to tell you how they do it and then there are those people that insist that you do it their way. The other white dragon.

I was the oldest girl in a family of 5. My mom and dad separated when I was 8 or 9. They were divorced when I was 10. I remember my dad taking me out one afternoon to the playground and telling me that he was leaving and that I was old enough to understand. Looking back in just that statement I see that he was justifying to himself just how much his leaving was going to change my life. He knew it. Maybe he thought that I was old enough to understand, but I really wasn't. What he didn't see was that because my mother would have the hard time dealing with the separation and the divorce she was going to throw everything on my shoulders in the name of being the oldest. I had a younger brother and sister that I had to set the example for. The example for what; of what? Just like a couple that gets married they have no idea what the future holds for them. They may have others that they can go to for advise when things start to go wrong in their marriage, but where does a young child go when their life, their childhood is thrown to the wind?

The wind became my friend. It blew me from hither to yon. I saw things, learned things, experienced things and felt things that I may not have liked, but it was all part of the great lesson that I was to learn. It's a lesson that will never end. That's what life is all about. A never ending lesson. Cliche-ish you say? I heard that. Cliche's are to be experienced and lived as well. Otherwise, how would you know if they had any merit, any truth to them?

My husband, for want of a current title for him, before he became my abuser, use to look at me and say, "Are you going to sit next to me, in your rocking chair on the front porch when we get older?" When we were younger and just stating out I looked forward to that more than anything than I could have ever wanted in my life. It was my idea of solitude, of peace. Those rocking chairs would be our gold medals in the Olympics of life. I never saw beyond the end of my nose through the stars in my eyes for him. I almost fell for the Knight in Shinning thing with him. He became my dragon. As the years went on the dragon grew bigger and more hideous than I could have ever imagined. Maybe we were each other's dragons or each others Knights in Shinning Armour. We became co-dependant on each other. He saw that I sometimes thought of myself as a damsel in distress. If that was what he saw in me then what I saw in him was Peter Pan and I was his Wendy.

Many years and many battles have been fought. We have loved each other as gently as we have viciously torn each other apart. We have cared for each other as much as we have despised each other. We have supported each other in times of need as much as we have turned our backs on each other in times of need. We have seen each other grow in our views on life and seen each other lose ground in our views on life. We both have been there and done that and we both expect to do more. One way or the other we will both be sitting in a rocking chair together on some porch somewhere.

Until then, the one thing that I have to do, as it has been part of the lesson that I have learned, is to try and tell others that these things happen. My life and it's twists and turns may not be the way for others to go. I would never force it on anyone. I would never take offense to anyone not taking my advise. It's their decision just as it was mine to choose the life that I did. I hear the rocking chairs creaking in the wind.