This is the first time I've ever written, or even tried writing, something erotic. So if you read this, please feel free to comment and tell me what you think, ways to improve and things to leave. Much appreciated!
I didn't know exactly how to make them more strong. So I attempted revising it and adding more imagery into it. So please tell me, yay or nay, and what I should change or leave... :) This isn't the original, this is the revised copy now.

Irresistible Lust
By Rachael Campbell "Rae"
© June 1, 2002
Theme - Erotic


As we lie in my bed
Of never told secrets
The dripping wet sensation
Of the ice cube down my back
The silent secrets your lips tell mine
The feeling of your soft kisses
All down my neck
The sound of your breathing in my ear
Tenderly nibbling your flesh
Teasing you gently
Wanting you more
I feel the soft caress of your hand
All over my hot and aching body
I cover your smoldering essence
With my overwhelming passion
Our tongues entwined
Only the language of our bodies talking
Words meaningless to feeling
Exciting ecstasy
Intoxicating love
You kiss my thigh delicately
Listening to only the sound
Of our love in the dark, starry night
What we're doing must be a sin
Feeling your love go deeper inside me
Enticing your body gradually
With my burning naked skin
Breathing in your soul from every
Passionate, fiery, warm kiss
I feel you're almost complete
Craving these last few moments
Never wanting to let this feeling go
I pull you closer, deeper, harder into me
Pleasure burning with desire
Bursting into love
We kiss longingly
Needing to quench this ache
For irresistible lust

I really like this. it had a lot of feeling and warmth in it.



Loved this line. Its the feeling of two people becoming one and the knowledge that a certain point is approaching for your partner.

I also really loved the opening four lines. I thought these were very good. I wish your whole poem was as strong as these opening lines but it does seem to level out on the imagery after the first four lines.

I dont find anything particularly wrong with this poem and I do like it a lot. It really carrys feeling for me. Keep on writing erotic poetry. I get the feeling you will pick this up no problem.

Edited because I'm lame.

Well....I posted this a while ago, and got one reply to the original, and on other ones. Come no people! Help me out here! Pleeeeeeease!!!!

i liked the second one better. it did have stronger imagery.

For the book per request of the author.

Thanks Savy for putting this in the book!

I thought this was an excellent poem.. Yes I did notice improvement in the revised one.. however both were very sensual..

I think you did a great job with the imagery and so much description is present.. It pulls one in most definitly !!

Excellent writing.. wonderful for the book...