Sacrafice
By Beth Shireman
© June 5th, 2002
Theme - Dark

Wind howls in her ears
hair whipping around her
there is nothing
an emptiness at her feet
so dark...cold...
the mere sight freezes her where she stands
a ghost whirls about wrapping her body like a second skin
cool, damp...and blue the night swallows her
sucks away her very life
one step,
thats all it takes
pushing out her foot slowly adding weight
she falls...
nothing beneath her
she spins as more blue surrounds her
this is her sacrafice...
lost forever

Hey this is great. I love the darkness that you play with. My favourite kind of poetry.

[QUOTE]
Wind howls in her ears
whipping her hair around her
[QUOTE]

This is good but you have overused the word 'her' in the second line. maybe change the second line to

whipped around her head or hair whipping in her face

I just find that it removes some repeatativeness it otherwise holds.

I love the way she sacrifices herself to the blue darkness. as if there is nothing left except nothing itself.

Good poem indeed

I agree that this is a very good piece. I too loved the way you played with the darkness and gave it life. However, I feel that you kind of overused the elipsis (the . . . ) and lost some of the effect I think you were going for. In some of the places you used it, you could have just made it a different line, keeping the maximum effect in the places you really want it. The way it reads now, you have too many dramatic pauses if you were to read it aloud. Other than that and what Paul mentioned about the second line, I thought the piece was really great. Good job sweetie!

I moved this to the poetry book as my second piece

and then I cant even spell lol