Name: Erased-dedicated to the one man I let get to me
Date: May 24, 2002
Theme: Anti-Love

All the memories
Erased...gone
From time and space

The smile that made me swoon
a permanent eclipse
Those pools for eyes I drowned in
zapped dry by the heat

There is no you
There never was
There is no more
And there never will be

Torturous memories
Torment me no longer
Tears
Never fall again

So much time wasted on fake love
like a puppet...
you pulled my strings
but now i control my heart
and its turned cold

That black as night hair
fades into the background
your strong arms...
gone limp

Your erased
gone from time and space

i like the ay it was written, but hey dont give up on love, learn from it! sorry about what ever happened to cause this anger

I wish I could do that with my past relationships (or lack thereof). I like the structure to this poem, as well as the content.

I really liked your piece.  There was such power behind the few words you chose to utilize.  The only thing I might suggest is a little more imagery.  Not much.  But maybe elaborate on the pain a little more.  Try to paint a picture of exactly how you felt that made you erase this guy from your memory.  Great job hun.

This a good poem.  I felt it, I've been there before.  I would like a little backstory in the poem, how you met him..nothing elaborate, just a little history, we'd like to know what's erased, lol.  Anywayz, that's just me.  Good job though, keep writing.

I liked this poem.  It had a really great flow to it and some excellent rhyming.  I absolutely love this two line because of the rhyme.



Still I think you should listen to what others are saying here.  This only skims across the surface of the subject and you could go much deeper into this and what caused this lose of memories.  What changed you?  you have approached it from an unusual angle (i think thats great) and I think you should try to exploit that more than you have done.  Yet you must be careful not to bring memories of him into the poem for that would spoil it in my opinion.

Well done.  Keep the good work up   :)

Beautiful poem. only problem is, I want more. . . you really didn't describe the emotion as much as you could have, and its a bit short. . . but other than that its a great poem. :)

You might consider showing a bit more about what you don't remember.  You know like "Your hair, what color was it?  A shade of nothingness now, like your heart"  Or something like that, allowing the reader to really latch onto how the features and feelings no longer exist, and you don't remember them existing at all.

I think that you could do a little more with the space and time concept.  You make the poem a circle with it, but there isn't any real moment where it becomes quantified, like space and time mean a lot.

Great idea, and very cool start, though I would suggest you expand a bit, and detail it more.  Or, expand and make it more vague, talk more about the erasing process than the character you erased.

I agree with NT, that including more of the memories which are banished would make this a stronger write. Well expressed, but needs more depth and volume.

nice piece of work, "sis."  I'd have to agree with NT as well.  Elaborate more on the emotions that you are trying to convey in this.  Excellent poem!!!

OK i re-wrote and added a little

I like the changes, feels like it has more punch. Good job!

Hey girl, I really like this poem...great piece. It'd be cool, if you wanted to put this in the book as your choice.

Great work though.

I think you did a good job here, but maybe just a little more depth, but i like it. Love the emotion, cant wait to see more.

Moved to the Poetry Book by me :)

Tankes Paul babes I wub you