Title: Strangers
Theme: Love
Date Written: September 9, 2004
Name: Bobby E Pennington, III

I would love to
get to know you better,
to meet your gaze
with wide-eyed wonder
and see that smile
deep within the sparkling
retina of your soul

I hope one day
that we might break
this barrier that makes
us strangers to each other
and be no longer apart
but fully whole

Join with me in more
than just a fleeting contact
of here and there

Give me more than
just a brief moment
with you to revel in
and to adore

Boy do I know the feeling of this one... good job, Bobby!

Good to see you back Bobby. I'm glad to see you have a bit of inspiration to write a touching poem like this. It would read a bit more emotionally clear with stanzas, or at least some punctuation to complement the capitalizing. And as a small peeve, "sever" doesn't feel right with "barrier." Just my opinions. Very nice write here B. I look forward to more.

Bryan

Thanks, Bryan, for your input, and thanks for remembering me :) And thank you for your kind comment Kristen :)

I took your advice and edited the poem by adding stanzas and changing the word "sever" to "dissipate." The word sever bothered me too when I typed it, but I just left it. If anyone has any ideas or if you all think dissipate is good, let me know.

Thank you :)

Great stuff. Very much enjoyed. This is quite an affecting piece, and nice to see heartfely sentiments expressed directly to the reader with no fuss or muss.

Thanks, Paul, for commenting :) Most people seem to like the fuss and muss better than heartfelt sentiments expressed directly, though.

I edited it again. I changed "dissipate" to "break." I think it's better, do you all?

If you decide to keep the previous line as "one day", then yes, I think "break" is better. If you choose to make this more of a work-in-progress pursuit, a la, "Perhaps in the future" (more expansive time frame), then I think that an equally work-in-progress verb would fit, such as "dissipate" or "dissolve". Either way Bobby, your emotion is the anchor to this piece. Do you think of "that day" as being a singular event that will demolish the barrier in that instant (dramatically romantic mode, please forgive me :D); or do you think of it being more progressive? Hopefully that helps (makes sense, even).

Bryan

That's a very interesting way of looking at it. It definitely makes sense. I like the instantaneous nature of break for this poem rather than a progressive word. Thanks for showing me a different way to look at it. :)

well no better way to put a feeling like this in words, seems like my heart's doing poetry too! simply put, AWESOME WORK

God do I know this feeling.

Wonderful poem, Bobby. :)